When my daughter was four years old I was talking to her at bedtime about God and that we accept Jesus into our hearts and she replied, "God is in everyone's heart." She listed some kids names and then said he is even in all the adults hearts. Which made me immediately think of Jeremiah 31:33 “But this is the new covenant I will make with the people of Israel on that day,” says the LORD. “I will put my instructions deep within them, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people." 

I was in awe of how kids can say such wisdom at times. It got me thinking of how they are so much more open to the spirit than most adults cause they haven't been tainted by this world. It also makes them more susceptible to hearing wrong spirits, which is why it's so important to pray with and over our children teaching them what is right. 
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Furthermore, it had me thinking about how people say it's human nature when they do this or that (referring to something bad) and how wrong that is. We are created in God's image so our human nature is actually pure. The true problem is when Adam and Eve ate the fruit they caused a sin nature to taint the pure human nature. But God had a plan to fix that, thankfully. Jesus came and died to cleanse the sin nature from us to make us pure again. That way the Holy Spirit could dwell within us. God is about free will so we have to acknowledge that we need Jesus to save us and ask him to be our Savior.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16 ESV

I read this during a devotional the other day and it really hit home for me. I have been dealing with some chronic pain and issues for twenty plus years. Just last year I was finally given the diagnosis     of Fibromyalgia and some medication to try to help handle the pain. It helped take the edge off for a little bit. Just as it wasn’t helping anymore the doctor I was seeing retired and no doctor locally will treat patients with it. While my outer self(body) feels like it’s being destroyed and wasting away, God strengths and renews my inner self(soul/mind) daily pushing me not to give up.  Even at times when the pain and all makes me feels like I rather not exist, I hold on to God’s promises. One day I will have my healing whether it happens here on earth or in heaven that day will come. I am here going through what I am for a reason. I will trust God to empower me to do what he wants me to do. 

Is it easy? No, not at all. I have many moments of feeling discouraged. Especially when things I thought would workout out certain ways don’t. Waiting for God’s timing on circumstances can be rough. That’s why renewing our inner self daily is so important. Being in God’s word and talking to God. He is with us always, he knows our hearts, he loves us unconditionally, and he wants us to trust him

​I used to be one of the ones after getting hurt and burnt out from the hypocrites in the church that would say, "I can be a Christian and not go to church." I hear others say it all the time too. Yes, you can be a Christian and not got to a church service. But you need to be part of the church which is being part of the body of Christ! Church isn’t about a building but about the people. God never wants us to do life alone! He wants us to be with other believers because it makes us stronger and able to do more for him!

As I have said many times I do not believe God causes the bad to happen. He will work those bad circumstances this fallen world deals you into good for his and our good. (Rom 8:28) My recent reminder of this happened while I was doing some errands the other day. I was having to deal with city traffic and I did a maneuver that I thought Curtis would have been impressed with. It was a move I couldn’t have pull off two-three years ago. 

Before he had seizures he drove around 90% of the time. I only did when I had to. Driving gave me major anxiety with panic attacks, especially dealing with traffic. It’s kind of ironic that I wanted to move to the city even though dealing with people and traffic gave me such issues. After Curtis had the seizures I had to drive 100% of the time for nearly two years. I had no choice Curtis was in no condition to do so. I had to drive in the city nearly everyday since he had to be taken back and forth to work. 

I prayed a lot using words and in spirit while driving to try to calm me when the anxiety was overwhelming. I did not enjoy having to drive. I couldn’t wait for Curtis to get better. By God he did eventually get healed enough to drive again. I was so grateful for many reasons. He didn’t take over all the driving though. There are times he isn’t up to it or I just do it for whatever reason. 

Back to the other day, I had the realization that the extreme anxiety I got while driving wasn’t there anymore. I wasn’t constantly having a rollercoaster of adrenaline rush, which were so exhausting. I am not saying there aren’t times certain circumstances don’t cause them, however, by God I have overcome the intense anxiety. Praise God. He works all things for his and our good.

It's the last day of 2021, I have been reflecting back on the year and realized my strategy of having Hopes for the year instead of Resolutions was a great success. I have always found resolutions stressful and if not accomplished there is a feeling of failure. Hopes on the other hand weren't stressful. Some of the ones I made weren't even ones that I had full control over making happen. Over half of them were checked off by the end of the year and some are close to being checked off.  I don't feel like a failure for the ones not check off, instead I find it learning opportunities to see if there was anything different I could have done to make them happen. If so I can work on making changes otherwise I can let it go or add it to my list for the new year.

For 2022 I have made two changes though, first I am being a little more specific in my hopes and second I am making even more. It's a list to seek God for direction on and the empowerment to see them through. 

I pray this coming year you join me in having a year filled with Hope & Freedom!

And God made the two great lights—the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night...Genesis 1:16

This scripture was in my devotional last night and even though I have read it dozens of times it hit me a different way last night.

The sun is the true light source while the moon just reflects the sun's light for us to see. The Holy Spirit said it's just like how God's son is the true light source and we reflect his light for others to see.

Depending on the position of the moon to the sun it shines brighter or not at all. Just as our position(relationship) with the Son will determine how much of his light we reflect.

Nine years and six days after losing my dad in a horrible vehicle accident I loss my mom in a horrific vehicle accident. I didn’t get to say good bye to either. My dad I saw just a few days prior but my mom I hadn’t gotten to see in months. She had planned on visiting and we had plans to visit also.  Events like this in life can really change one’s perspective. 

I have had several deep heart to heart talks with God. It has felt like it’s been one thing after another and I just can’t catch a break. So much has happened the last couple years. I try to have faith and trust in God but at times honestly it’s so hard. I started doing a devotional and journaling with it. Truly laying everything at his feet. 

Recently I saw my husband in bed sleeping and such joy and peace came over me about how blessed I am. I was running errands and found myself with such joy and peace and a smile across my face. I was doing dishes and found myself with such joy and peace and even a smile though I hate doing dishes.  More and more lately I find myself smiling, feeling joy and peace. It’s not something this world can give you but it’s what God can give you no matter the circumstances you are facing. 

I still have moments of grief, tears, and disbelief that my mom is gone and even that my dad is gone. But I have come to a place that even though I have been through hard, painful events I can’t stay in the despair and the hurt. Instead, I will embrace what the Lord gives everlasting, unfailing love, peace, and joy in the heart. 

I want to encourage you today that you don’t need to stay in the despair or hurt either. It won’t always be easy and sure there will be moments that you are overwhelmed with grieve but don’t dwell there. The Lord can and will give you overpowering peace and joy that this world can never give or take away. 

Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!” Nehemiah 8:10

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

The Lord gives his people strength.
    The Lord blesses them with peace. Psalm 29:11

​How I can relate to this. When I focus on the negative then my life just feels like one trouble after the next. It feels relentless, a never ending stream of issue after issue. Focusing on the negative can lead you down a very dark destructive path. I know I have been there too many times.

I now try to focus on the second part of this scripture “but the Lord delivers him from them all”. No matter what troubles have come I am still here because God has gotten me through them all. God is my strength. God is my comfort. God is my healer. I am far from perfect I have moments of weakness and despair but I choose to remember all the good God has done for us and gotten us through.
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No matter what the trouble you are going through right now or the next one that comes I encourage you to focus on the fact God will get you through it.

Life can throw you some curveballs at times. You have the opportunity to swing at them or not. I think it is better to swing and try to make the best at what you have been given than to wallow in self pity or anger. I am not saying you can’t take time to process what has happened. I am saying not to dwell on it. 

Today, I was at Sam’s Club doing some shopping and pondering somethings that have been going on lately. 

For example, last night I got some lab tests results back that wasn’t what I was expecting. I have been trying so hard to get healthier and to see several of my numbers going in the opposite direction it was quite disheartening. It didn’t make sense. Even with a few days of giving in to comfort food because honestly things have been stressful, the numbers shouldn’t be where they are. I got upset and vented to my hubby when he got home. I looked up some Tai chi videos since my doctor recommend it for exercise. I watched one that showed you some steps. Curtis asked if I was going to do it and I said not right now. About an hour later I was like you know I want to try out that one step. So I tried it out a few times. 

Back to being at the store, I was walking around praying in words and in the spirit trying to get passed the anxiety/oppression I was feeling. I ended up getting a peace come over me that while I can’t do anything about what the numbers say at the moment I can work on making a better change. I have tried meal prepping before but haven’t been successful at sticking to it. If I want to make a change though for the good I need to put more effort into it. I need to seek more the Holy Spirit on what exactly to do that will work for me then stressing out reading a million different things on the internet. The Creator that made me knows me way better than anyone else including myself. 
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I just wanted to encourage you today to not give up God has better plans for you. He will help you and give you the peace you need to get through anything this world throws at you. All you have to do is seek him where you are at physically, mentally, & spiritually. He already knows what’s on your heart. He is also with you every where. It don’t matter if you at church, at the store, or any other place you can name. He is there and is waiting on you to just reach out.

National Suicide Prevention/Awareness
I have shared in the past about my suicide attempts and how I was plagued by suicidal thoughts for over 20 years. By the grace of God, I am a walking-breathing testimony to his mercy.

While having a relationship with God is important, he created us for community. We were designed to help encourage and build each other up in this world that likes to isolate and tear people down. Even if they won’t admit it everyone has tough times in life. It is absolutely okay to reach out to others for help. I never did and I know that was a mistake and added to why I suffered for so long. If you don’t have anyone in your life that you can reach out to there are plenty of free resources you can use I have listed just a few below.

I want to encourage you today that you are not alone. Others including myself have suffered or are suffering. God said he would never leave and forsake us. Even though at the time I didn’t have a relationship with God I know he was there with me.

You can get through this!
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If you feel you are an immediate threat to yourself, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Emotional Listening Support Hotline for if you could really use someone to talk to, but aren’t feeling like an immediate threat to yourself: 1-800-932-4616
The Samaritans is an emotional support hotline for any who calls feeling lonely or depressed or just needs someone to talk to: 1-877-870-4673
Crisis Text Line, for if you need someone to talk to, but aren’t comfortable talking on the phone: Text HOME to 741741