I am Nothing, without God
Sharing what God puts on my heart and my story to encourage and empower others to live fruitful & satisfying lives with Christ!
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16 ESV
I read this during a devotional the other day and it really hit home for me. I have been dealing with some chronic pain and issues for twenty plus years. Just last year I was finally given the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and some medication to try to help handle the pain. It helped take the edge off for a little bit. Just as it wasn’t helping anymore the doctor I was seeing retired and no doctor locally will treat patients with it. While my outer self(body) feels like it’s being destroyed and wasting away, God strengths and renews my inner self(soul/mind) daily pushing me not to give up. Even at times when the pain and all makes me feels like I rather not exist, I hold on to God’s promises. One day I will have my healing whether it happens here on earth or in heaven that day will come. I am here going through what I am for a reason. I will trust God to empower me to do what he wants me to do.
Is it easy? No, not at all. I have many moments of feeling discouraged. Especially when things I thought would workout out certain ways don’t. Waiting for God’s timing on circumstances can be rough. That’s why renewing our inner self daily is so important. Being in God’s word and talking to God. He is with us always, he knows our hearts, he loves us unconditionally, and he wants us to trust him
As I have said many times I do not believe God causes the bad to happen. He will work those bad circumstances this fallen world deals you into good for his and our good. (Rom 8:28) My recent reminder of this happened while I was doing some errands the other day. I was having to deal with city traffic and I did a maneuver that I thought Curtis would have been impressed with. It was a move I couldn’t have pull off two-three years ago.
Before he had seizures he drove around 90% of the time. I only did when I had to. Driving gave me major anxiety with panic attacks, especially dealing with traffic. It’s kind of ironic that I wanted to move to the city even though dealing with people and traffic gave me such issues. After Curtis had the seizures I had to drive 100% of the time for nearly two years. I had no choice Curtis was in no condition to do so. I had to drive in the city nearly everyday since he had to be taken back and forth to work.
I prayed a lot using words and in spirit while driving to try to calm me when the anxiety was overwhelming. I did not enjoy having to drive. I couldn’t wait for Curtis to get better. By God he did eventually get healed enough to drive again. I was so grateful for many reasons. He didn’t take over all the driving though. There are times he isn’t up to it or I just do it for whatever reason.
Back to the other day, I had the realization that the extreme anxiety I got while driving wasn’t there anymore. I wasn’t constantly having a rollercoaster of adrenaline rush, which were so exhausting. I am not saying there aren’t times certain circumstances don’t cause them, however, by God I have overcome the intense anxiety. Praise God. He works all things for his and our good.
Nine years and six days after losing my dad in a horrible vehicle accident I loss my mom in a horrific vehicle accident. I didn’t get to say good bye to either. My dad I saw just a few days prior but my mom I hadn’t gotten to see in months. She had planned on visiting and we had plans to visit also. Events like this in life can really change one’s perspective.
I have had several deep heart to heart talks with God. It has felt like it’s been one thing after another and I just can’t catch a break. So much has happened the last couple years. I try to have faith and trust in God but at times honestly it’s so hard. I started doing a devotional and journaling with it. Truly laying everything at his feet.
Recently I saw my husband in bed sleeping and such joy and peace came over me about how blessed I am. I was running errands and found myself with such joy and peace and a smile across my face. I was doing dishes and found myself with such joy and peace and even a smile though I hate doing dishes. More and more lately I find myself smiling, feeling joy and peace. It’s not something this world can give you but it’s what God can give you no matter the circumstances you are facing.
I still have moments of grief, tears, and disbelief that my mom is gone and even that my dad is gone. But I have come to a place that even though I have been through hard, painful events I can’t stay in the despair and the hurt. Instead, I will embrace what the Lord gives everlasting, unfailing love, peace, and joy in the heart.
I want to encourage you today that you don’t need to stay in the despair or hurt either. It won’t always be easy and sure there will be moments that you are overwhelmed with grieve but don’t dwell there. The Lord can and will give you overpowering peace and joy that this world can never give or take away.
Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!” Nehemiah 8:10
I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
The Lord gives his people strength.
The Lord blesses them with peace. Psalm 29:11
How I can relate to this. When I focus on the negative then my life just feels like one trouble after the next. It feels relentless, a never ending stream of issue after issue. Focusing on the negative can lead you down a very dark destructive path. I know I have been there too many times.
I now try to focus on the second part of this scripture “but the Lord delivers him from them all”. No matter what troubles have come I am still here because God has gotten me through them all. God is my strength. God is my comfort. God is my healer. I am far from perfect I have moments of weakness and despair but I choose to remember all the good God has done for us and gotten us through.
No matter what the trouble you are going through right now or the next one that comes I encourage you to focus on the fact God will get you through it.
Life can throw you some curveballs at times. You have the opportunity to swing at them or not. I think it is better to swing and try to make the best at what you have been given than to wallow in self pity or anger. I am not saying you can’t take time to process what has happened. I am saying not to dwell on it.
Today, I was at Sam’s Club doing some shopping and pondering somethings that have been going on lately.
For example, last night I got some lab tests results back that wasn’t what I was expecting. I have been trying so hard to get healthier and to see several of my numbers going in the opposite direction it was quite disheartening. It didn’t make sense. Even with a few days of giving in to comfort food because honestly things have been stressful, the numbers shouldn’t be where they are. I got upset and vented to my hubby when he got home. I looked up some Tai chi videos since my doctor recommend it for exercise. I watched one that showed you some steps. Curtis asked if I was going to do it and I said not right now. About an hour later I was like you know I want to try out that one step. So I tried it out a few times.
Back to being at the store, I was walking around praying in words and in the spirit trying to get passed the anxiety/oppression I was feeling. I ended up getting a peace come over me that while I can’t do anything about what the numbers say at the moment I can work on making a better change. I have tried meal prepping before but haven’t been successful at sticking to it. If I want to make a change though for the good I need to put more effort into it. I need to seek more the Holy Spirit on what exactly to do that will work for me then stressing out reading a million different things on the internet. The Creator that made me knows me way better than anyone else including myself.
I just wanted to encourage you today to not give up God has better plans for you. He will help you and give you the peace you need to get through anything this world throws at you. All you have to do is seek him where you are at physically, mentally, & spiritually. He already knows what’s on your heart. He is also with you every where. It don’t matter if you at church, at the store, or any other place you can name. He is there and is waiting on you to just reach out.
National Suicide Prevention/Awareness
I have shared in the past about my suicide attempts and how I was plagued by suicidal thoughts for over 20 years. By the grace of God, I am a walking-breathing testimony to his mercy.
While having a relationship with God is important, he created us for community. We were designed to help encourage and build each other up in this world that likes to isolate and tear people down. Even if they won’t admit it everyone has tough times in life. It is absolutely okay to reach out to others for help. I never did and I know that was a mistake and added to why I suffered for so long. If you don’t have anyone in your life that you can reach out to there are plenty of free resources you can use I have listed just a few below.
I want to encourage you today that you are not alone. Others including myself have suffered or are suffering. God said he would never leave and forsake us. Even though at the time I didn’t have a relationship with God I know he was there with me.
You can get through this!
If you feel you are an immediate threat to yourself, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Emotional Listening Support Hotline for if you could really use someone to talk to, but aren’t feeling like an immediate threat to yourself: 1-800-932-4616
The Samaritans is an emotional support hotline for any who calls feeling lonely or depressed or just needs someone to talk to: 1-877-870-4673
Crisis Text Line, for if you need someone to talk to, but aren’t comfortable talking on the phone: Text HOME to 741741
Yesterday at church the pastor’s message was about sometimes you got to go to the desert to learn to really depend on God and learn to follow his purpose for your life. He doesn’t cause the bad to happen but he doesn’t stop it either at times for good reasons. This really struck at me and I had a realization. Two years ago today Curtis my husband suffered from two spontaneous seizures never having them before in his 40 years of life. It’s a day I will never forget. I almost lost my husband and the effects of that day had us go through a tough season in our lives. Yesterday I realized though that it started my desert trip figuratively speaking of course.
I had a bunch of my plans that I expected to happen. My plans weren’t bad they just weren’t God’s plans. I kept trying to do things with my own determination and strength. It was exhausting; physically, mentally, and spiritually. In God’s plans, you can have peace and rest. During my desert time to start with things got worse because in many areas I was still trying to do things on my own and not fully trust God. When I ended my rebellious independence six months into my desert stay and put all my dependence on God, I had a peace that even though in the natural things didn’t look like they could ever possibly work out in a good way God was going to fulfill his promises.
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 NLT
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
I stepped out of my comfort zone many times following God’s lead and I am so grateful I did. His plans really are better than mine. He made way after way taking negative circumstances and turning them to positive. This last year and half has had ups and downs however, it’s been an eye opening and interesting journey. I found God’s purpose in my life and it was a desire I had has a kid that I forgot about. I even started a business venture that is slowly growing where others I had tried in the past all failed to even really launch at all. Curtis’s health over the last couple months has been improving greatly. I got my husband back and the kids got their daddy back.
I share this as an encouragement to others that despite what the natural may look like God has good plans for you. Put your dependance on him. Seek his direction on what to do. Follow his guidance even if naturally it seems crazy. He will not lead you astray. He will be there with you always cause he doesn’t leave or forsake his children. He is a faithful daddy.
I was riding in the vehicle with my mom while it was pouring rain and crazy drivers on and off. I kept dozing off due to lack of sleep. We were driving from Tennessee to Florida. Fear started to creep in as we got closer to other vehicles and had a few near misses. Then suddenly I was reminded that God gave me another book title and idea. I had not even started writing it yet. If he tells you to do something he will enable you to complete it. I calmed down and knew we would make it home. It’s just like when Jesus said to go to other side then went to sleep in the boat awhile it’s storming. He wasn’t concerned cause he knew God had plans for him on the other side. We may have had a few sketch adrenaline pumping moments but you know what happened? We made it back safe. If God has told you something rest in his peace and promise that he will get you to the other side no matter what the storm looks like.
God is so faithful, amazing, & loving. Our one place has HOA fees due every year, last year we just couldn’t pay them with everything that was happening. We got a little more in our tax refund this year since neither of us made as much last year so was going to use that to get it up to date. I had wrote our HOA last year and straight up told them we couldn’t afford it. I used to be on the board so they know us and we’re understanding telling us ok. That was the last I had heard of it. I email yesterday to ask how much exactly we owe since I know there are late fees and such. I was in awe of the response I received someone anonymously paid for our fees last year.
It reminded me of the lyrics of the song Waymaker; “Even when I don't see it, You're working” He made a way a year ago that we didn’t even know about. I want to encourage you today that to trust God to make the way even when all the things around you look and feel like it will not work out He will make a way. He never stops working. He is a faithful God that keeps His promises. They may not end up how you expected it but trust me His ways are always better.
Notice the scripture says, "all the earth"? Not those that the earth thinks has a nice voice. It doesn't matter what other humans think of your voice. God loves your voice and thinks it's beautiful. Do not be afraid to sing to the Lord. Don't let the enemy's negative thoughts stop you from making a joyful noise to the Lord!
I was taking a shower and I just felt an urge to sing and praise the Lord. Everyone sounds good in the shower anyway right? Seriously though I did it and immediately negative thoughts came. I didn't let them stop me. I sang my heart out to God. I had such peace and joy doing it. The voice I heard coming from me wasn't one I had heard before but knew God was taking delight in it.
I encourage all to forget about everything going on in the world and take the time to just sing your heart out to God! Soak in His presence and love. You won't regret it.
If it wasn't for God I would not be here. Seems cliche but it's the complete truth. I have come close to death a few times, I am a living testimony to God. I am far from perfect. I don't have all the answers. I do feel like God wants me to share words of encouragement and share the testimonies (stories) of my life. I pray that all that read what I write are encouraged and empowered to not give up, no matter what this life throws at you, and to seek God for wisdom.