As I have said many times I do not believe God causes the bad to happen. He will work those bad circumstances this fallen world deals you into good for his and our good. (Rom 8:28) My recent reminder of this happened while I was doing some errands the other day. I was having to deal with city traffic and I did a maneuver that I thought Curtis would have been impressed with. It was a move I couldn’t have pull off two-three years ago. 

Before he had seizures he drove around 90% of the time. I only did when I had to. Driving gave me major anxiety with panic attacks, especially dealing with traffic. It’s kind of ironic that I wanted to move to the city even though dealing with people and traffic gave me such issues. After Curtis had the seizures I had to drive 100% of the time for nearly two years. I had no choice Curtis was in no condition to do so. I had to drive in the city nearly everyday since he had to be taken back and forth to work. 

I prayed a lot using words and in spirit while driving to try to calm me when the anxiety was overwhelming. I did not enjoy having to drive. I couldn’t wait for Curtis to get better. By God he did eventually get healed enough to drive again. I was so grateful for many reasons. He didn’t take over all the driving though. There are times he isn’t up to it or I just do it for whatever reason. 

Back to the other day, I had the realization that the extreme anxiety I got while driving wasn’t there anymore. I wasn’t constantly having a rollercoaster of adrenaline rush, which were so exhausting. I am not saying there aren’t times certain circumstances don’t cause them, however, by God I have overcome the intense anxiety. Praise God. He works all things for his and our good.

Nine years and six days after losing my dad in a horrible vehicle accident I loss my mom in a horrific vehicle accident. I didn’t get to say good bye to either. My dad I saw just a few days prior but my mom I hadn’t gotten to see in months. She had planned on visiting and we had plans to visit also.  Events like this in life can really change one’s perspective. 

I have had several deep heart to heart talks with God. It has felt like it’s been one thing after another and I just can’t catch a break. So much has happened the last couple years. I try to have faith and trust in God but at times honestly it’s so hard. I started doing a devotional and journaling with it. Truly laying everything at his feet. 

Recently I saw my husband in bed sleeping and such joy and peace came over me about how blessed I am. I was running errands and found myself with such joy and peace and a smile across my face. I was doing dishes and found myself with such joy and peace and even a smile though I hate doing dishes.  More and more lately I find myself smiling, feeling joy and peace. It’s not something this world can give you but it’s what God can give you no matter the circumstances you are facing. 

I still have moments of grief, tears, and disbelief that my mom is gone and even that my dad is gone. But I have come to a place that even though I have been through hard, painful events I can’t stay in the despair and the hurt. Instead, I will embrace what the Lord gives everlasting, unfailing love, peace, and joy in the heart. 

I want to encourage you today that you don’t need to stay in the despair or hurt either. It won’t always be easy and sure there will be moments that you are overwhelmed with grieve but don’t dwell there. The Lord can and will give you overpowering peace and joy that this world can never give or take away. 

Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!” Nehemiah 8:10

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

The Lord gives his people strength.
    The Lord blesses them with peace. Psalm 29:11

Yesterday at church the pastor’s message was about sometimes you got to go to the desert to learn to really depend on God and learn to follow his purpose for your life. He doesn’t cause the bad to happen but he doesn’t stop it either at times for good reasons. This really struck at me and I had a realization. Two years ago today Curtis my husband suffered from two spontaneous seizures never having them before in his 40 years of life.  It’s a day I will never forget. I almost lost my husband and the effects of that day had us go through a tough season in our lives. Yesterday I realized though that it started my desert trip figuratively speaking of course. 

I had a bunch of my plans that I expected to happen. My plans weren’t bad they just weren’t God’s plans. I kept trying to do things with my own determination and strength. It was exhausting; physically, mentally, and spiritually. In God’s plans, you can have peace and rest. During my desert time to start with things got worse  because in many areas I was still trying to do things on my own and not fully trust God. When I ended my rebellious independence six months into my desert stay and put all my dependence on God, I had a peace that even though in the natural things didn’t look like they could ever possibly work out in a good way God was going to fulfill his promises. 

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 NLT
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

I stepped out of my comfort zone many times following God’s lead and I am so grateful I did. His plans really are better than mine. He made way after way taking negative circumstances and turning them to positive.  This last year and half has had ups and downs however, it’s been an eye opening and interesting journey.  I found God’s purpose in my life and it was a desire I had has a kid that I forgot about. I even started a business venture that is slowly growing where others I had tried in the past all failed to even really launch at all. Curtis’s health over the last couple months has been improving greatly. I got my husband back and the kids got their daddy back. 

I share this as an encouragement to others that despite what the natural may look like God has good plans for you. Put your dependance on him. Seek his direction on what to do. Follow his guidance even if naturally it seems crazy. He will not lead you astray. He will be there with you always cause he doesn’t leave or forsake his children. He is a faithful daddy.

I was riding in the vehicle with my mom while it was pouring rain and crazy drivers on and off. I kept dozing off due to lack of sleep. We were driving from Tennessee to Florida. Fear started to creep in as we got closer to other vehicles and had a few near misses. Then suddenly I was reminded that God gave me another book title and idea. I had not even started writing it yet. If he tells you to do something he will enable you to complete it. I calmed down and knew we would make it home. It’s just like when Jesus said to go to other side then went to sleep in the boat awhile it’s storming. He wasn’t concerned cause he knew God had plans for him on the other side. We may have had a few sketch adrenaline pumping moments but you know what happened? We made it back safe. If God has told you something rest in his peace and promise that he will get you to the other side no matter what the storm looks like.

​God is so faithful, amazing, & loving. Our one place has HOA fees due every year, last year we just couldn’t pay them with everything that was happening. We got a little more in our tax refund this year since neither of us made as much last year so was going to use that to get it up to date. I had wrote our HOA last year and straight up told them we couldn’t afford it. I used to be on the board so they know us and we’re understanding telling us ok. That was the last I had heard of it. I email yesterday to ask how much exactly we owe since I know there are late fees and such. I was in awe of the response I received someone anonymously paid for our fees last year.
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It reminded me of the lyrics of the song Waymaker; “Even when I don't see it, You're working” He made a way a year ago that we didn’t even know about. I want to encourage you today that to trust God to make the way even when all the things around you look and feel like it will not work out He will make a way. He never stops working. He is a faithful God that keeps His promises. They may not end up how you expected it but trust me His ways are always better.

Notice the scripture says, "all the earth"? Not those that the earth thinks has a nice voice. It doesn't matter what other humans think of your voice. God loves your voice and thinks it's beautiful. Do not be afraid to sing to the Lord. Don't let the enemy's negative thoughts stop you from making a joyful noise to the Lord!
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I was taking a shower and I just felt an urge to sing and praise the Lord. Everyone sounds good in the shower anyway right? Seriously though I did it and immediately negative thoughts came. I didn't let them stop me. I sang my heart out to God. I had such peace and joy doing it. The voice I heard coming from me wasn't one I had heard before but knew God was taking delight in it.
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I encourage all to forget about everything going on in the world and take the time to just sing your heart out to God! Soak in His presence and love. You won't regret it.

My daughter’s fifth birthday is two days away I felt like I needed to share a very condensed version of my testimony. One day I will share a more detail account. But 11 years ago this month we decided we wanted to have a child. During our journey to have kids we lost three children, I nearly died from female complications, got a vision from God, had some dark moments but decided to stand in faith on the promises God gave us. Six years after the start of our journey our huge blessing of twelve pounds nine ounces was born after eighteen hours of labor and emergency c-section. I am here to say God is a loving and faithful God! If He promises something He will fulfill that promise. There may be dark days you want to give up and feel like it will never happen but DON’T give up stand fast to His promises. Get scriptures that apply to your situation and pray/meditate on them constantly. During my dark hours that’s what I did and still do.